Our theme this month is Men's Health. The articles you will find will
cover a wide variety of topics that can be helpful to men. My article
(to the right) is geared toward relationship balance and
emotional well-being, which is one step of healthy evolution and
growth.
Most of our readers are currently women, so I write to that
audience, but I hope that the article will give some insight &
understanding to any men reading as well. It is a long road for women
& men to fully understand one another, but every little step helps
us to build a bridge between the genders and to create a healthy
foundation for relationships that will sustain us in all that we
do.
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Mufasa from "The Lion
King" has always been one of my favorite father figure
characters. He was strong, tender, fierce, compassionate,
wise & playful. He was everything I would want to have
as a father and everything I would want to give my children. But
alas, he is a fictional cartoon character, of course his finer points
are easy to highlight, the animator simply creates them that way. We
are talking about real men here, and real men like that are very hard
to find. But are they really?
In my work, I have seen time &
time again that it is more helpful to help a man dig deeper into
himself than it is to leave him. In our day & age, women divorce
and leave men for greener pastures all the time. Instead of trading in
for newer models, I think we need to consider helping our men excavate
the truth within themselves. There is a Mufasa (or some version of
that) within every man. They don't have the tools for digging, like we
women do. They don't have the comfort of talking things out (since
their emotions are so hard to verbalize). Most of the time, they don't
have the luxury of a support system or the strong
female intuition. Even if you give them the tools, they often
don't know how to use them. If you handed me a pic axe or an O2
sensor socket wrench, I would be lost too. I feel it is my work as a
woman to navigate emotional waters and help guide my guy through
them the best we can. He can
teach me how to change my oil, discipline my children & protect
myself from danger and I can teach him how to love without walls, be
strong without attacking & cultivate sensitivity in his close
personal relationships. Hopefully, we can accomplish our goals without
any burning beds or broken vases and even more importantly
minimizing & repairing broken hearts.
I am not talking about feigning love
& commitment that is not there, but about growing love
that is there and creating a healthy emotional balance in your
relationship. I have seen so many women use their love as a weapon
against their man. Breaking him down and walking away. I am
inviting women to explore how they can use their love &
whatever tools they have to help their man become all that he
can. It is easy for we, women, to fall into negative
patterns, playing the victim, complaining over & over again about
their mistakes, gathering forces around us to confirm that we are
indeed loveable and wonderful and our man is just a jerk. These
patterns run rampant in our society and in many of our actions. It
takes a much stronger woman to change the patterns and redirect the
energies in a healthier way.
Men are expected to handle more
& more every day. Sometimes, they just don't have the tools or the
knowledge they need to build a healthy & successful relationship. They
are more afraid to ask for help in this area than they are to
ask for directions when driving. We, women, need to be like the
gas stations that leave the maps on the walls, so anyone can walk up
& figure out where they are and how to move forward. We need to be
easy to approach and easy to read. The map doesn't spend 45
minutes yelling at how they got lost in the first place and how they
get lost every time and how they just don't care about anything and
they never listen, etc etc... The map just shows how to get from here
to there. Simple and direct. That is what your man needs to be a
better partner, a better father and a better man. Straight and
simple information. "It hurts me when you don't call. I need you
to call when you are late for dinner." Period. End of story. It's
hard for us to bite our tongues, ladies, I know, but it will save
your relationship and help you build your love instead of destroy
it.
You have to believe your man wants
to make you happy. Deep in his heart, he is with you because he wants
to make this work, but he doesn't always know how. Even if he
reads the map and figures it out, it may take him a while to muster
the courage to do so. Be patient. Let him sort it out. Trust that he
will. Trust that he is unfolding the love that is in his heart, that
the tools you give him and the map you provide will guide him to the
truth and that the truth is you are both wonderful people evolving
toward a brighter future, one step at a time.
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