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Edward had not had a happy track
record at emotional and physical satisfaction in a marriage.
His marriage was based on an appearance of love however, is was
service oriented. You know
the old routine, you bring home the money and I will cook and clean for
you and that’s about it. 25
years of it. By the time
he left the marriage he was so emotionally and touch starved that he
had no idea that he deserved love or that
someone might find him desirable.
He certainly had never felt desirable. |
As his coach the game plan we
created was first to help him discover what he
loved to do in his life. What
gave him pleasure and satisfaction with or without a partner?
Each week he tried new things.
We set up 10 new events or activities for him to discover
himself. Like driving to
Sheboygan and walking on the beaches alone. He used to love to dance
when he was young and had not been dancing in 25 years, since he got
married. His assignment
was to go dancing at a variety of different clubs so that he began to
see and experience the difference in the energy and types of people
each place attracted.
Next experience was Ethnic
restaurants to discover exotic foods. Also interesting and mind
expanding events like spiritual and metaphysical meetings and classes.
Edward soon found out that his mind had always known many of
these spiritual truths but he had never been around any other people
who talked about them. He
had stayed rigidly involved and committed to a traditional church and
again was in service to that particular religious community.
He began to enjoy going to different churches and discovering
interesting and stimulating people with views of life that were true to
his soul. He began
resonating with completely new types of people that, in the past he
would have had many judgments against - because they were different.
Now, he found out that deep inside he was more different than he
had ever given himself permission to be.
He began to enjoy life and laugh and have fun and love people.
His profound compassion for people was finding a place in the
world to be experienced and he was beginning to radiate love. This, of course, made him a much more desirable man.
| Luv
lesson
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| When we find
out what makes us happy individually and we begin to TREAT ourselves
everyday to doing the things that make us happy we stop depending on
someone else to make us happy. |
Edward
began to feel “in control” of his life.
He no longer had to work all week long to hand over his paycheck
and hope she would give him a crumb of affection.
He was getting hugged and loved every Sunday at church and every
night when he went out dancing. Edward was creating a great new life.
But, he missed having someone to come home to and take care of.
He really loved having a home and one woman to love.
His basic nature is monogamous and care taking.
As
his coach we began to set up a way to evaluate and identify what he
valued about each new woman he was meeting as he was going out dancing.
He had a few 6-week intense discovery relationships and the most
important thing he discovered was himself.
One
time he choose a woman who mirrored back to him exactly what he used to
be like.
He was always very compassionate and orderly and clean however,
there was a time in his life when he was very emotionally unwell and he
became very fearful and compulsive.
His compassion and past experience with himself helped her to go
through a very scary physical problem and he totally supported her and
took care of her.
He now recognized how he used to be in his cramped and fear
filled mind and he also saw the red alarms of his past life where he
totally surrendered himself to taking care of someone else.
I suggested that he keep some perspective on his needs and to
continue to date another woman who he was very attracted to because she
was so bright and bubbly and fun.
It didn’t take very long for him to realize how much healthier
and happier he felt with the woman who was bubbly.
She was happy with her life because she felt fully in control.
She knew what she liked and she gave herself permission to do
it. She
had her own home and had created a very active and fun filled social
life with healthy people who enjoyed and appreciated her. Now
he had
the chance to compare the old Edward and the new possibilities that he
could create.
One day we evaluated everything good about his mother and his
sister and his former wife and any of the women he had dated.
We created a list of very desirable characteristics that he
would like to have in a relationship with a healthy and attractive
woman who desired him and wanted to create a life with him. Within in 5
days after separating from the woman who mirrored his past fearful self
he met a woman that fulfilled everything he desired and they are now
engaged and living very happily together.
She completely appreciates his profound spiritual depth and
knows just how to lighten him up with her wonderful sparkly laughter
and help him to play more.
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He
deserves everything that is good in life.
In spite of 25 years of being neglected and rejected. His
greatest quality is that he always looked for the good and the beauty
in everyone.
He is the most compassionate man and the woman who spends the
rest of her life with him will be very lucky and very loved.
He is a blessing for those who look for the good in his soul.
They will find it.
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