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I
hear a lot of discussion about the whole “green”
concept these days.
Businesses trying to go green and people trying
to go green. If
I understand the idea correctly, they want to avoid
polluting the environment.
So
the other day my friend “Sherrie” called me while
driving her Prius to the eco-friendly food-coop.
After she told me about reducing the paper in
her office, seeing her new-age therapist and buying
only farm-free salmon; she said, “My husband
“Tommy” is such an idiot he’s puttering around
the house instead of working.”
I
laughed and laughed.
Soon “Sherrie” was laughing with me, thank
god. We
realized how funny it was that she’s aware of being
“green” regarding her car and groceries but spews
such pollution about her beloved husband.
In that moment, I knew the topic of my article
today would be on Green Speech.
Green
Speech is my term for language that causes no harm to
our emotional environment.
It’s not judgmental or shaming of us or
others. Green
Speech includes loving, respectful and tolerant words
only. My 3 basic tenants of Green Speech include owning your
feelings, using literally true language and
clarifying.
First,
use the “I feel angry when you avoid work” or “I
feel blank when you blank” language model. This
helps you own your feelings rather than blaming them
on the other person. Who’s responsible for your
feelings? You are. What percent are you responsible
for your feelings? 100% Right? So, avoid polluting your emotional environment with this
blaming game.
Second,
use only impeccably literal language-for example, if
you believe in your loving heart your husband’s an
idiot, then say he’s an idiot. But
if you don’t, then don’t. Not
even to be funny.
Not even to get your point across.
Just say exactly what you mean each and every
time.
Finally,
clarify what you believe to have heard.
My partner and I have practiced this for 10
years and have it down pat.
I believe he said, “When are you taking out
the trash?” and I’ll say, “What I heard you ask
me is, “When are you taking me to the movies?”
See, no pollution and perfect clarification. Hee
hee.
I
hope to practice Green Speech as often as possible. I encourage all of you to consider thinking about Green Speech
each time you speak.
Think to yourself-“Is what I’m about to say
polluting my emotional environment?” The old saying,
“engage brain before mouth” may be helpful here.
Yes,
I see the irony at laughing at “Sherrie”.
I’ve admitted to her my toxic laughter. She
has accepted my amends and we’ve committed to hold
each other accountable to a higher level of Green
Speech and protect our emotional environment for the
future.
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